I'd known Ben casually for many years. Most of the men had never met prior to our first meeting two decades ago.
At that meeting, Ben told a couple of raunchy jokes about women. There were nine men at that first meeting, and eight of us sat stunned and mystified by Ben's overt sexism. I didn't know any other men who shared Ben's sexist attitude. I asked Ben at one of our meetings, why he felt it was okay to cheat on his wife. His rationale was that men in Europe had affairs and mistresses all the time and that it was no big deal. He further added that there were no reasons to remain faithful to his wife because they had both grown bored with each other sexually. When I asked him about the level of emotional intimacy in his marriage, his reply was that he didn't trust his wife enough to be open and honest with her. Ben wanted to have his cake and eat it, his wife's feelings notwithstanding.
As the group found its footing and began talking about emotional intimacy, Ben sat quietly, not saying much, except to make jokes about women. He was becoming a distraction to the other men who wanted to deepen the intimacy in their relationships. Outside of the group, Ben surrounded himself with men who winked and nodded at his infidelity. He strutted like a peacock with his friends, never considering how foolish his behavior made him appear.
Ben hadn't ever cried before, in fact he'd never shown any emotions before, except anger. We waited patiently until he could speak, and what came out explained everything about Ben's behavior.
Ben had served in the Air Force in his early twenties and had been stationed in Korea for two years, during which time he'd met a beautiful young woman, Kim, who was studying English. Now we understood why he held such anger in his heart for women, and we also understood why he felt women were untrustworthy. During those decades when he thought he had the pain safely locked away, it was actually eating away at his heart and destroying his ability to feel anything for women except contempt. I was proud of Ben for finally sharing the feelings in his heart and suggested he might want to share that story with his wife, who he'd married on the rebound from Kim when he returned to the States. Ben's story turned out to be a good news/bad news scenario. The good news was that Ben figured out why he felt as he did about women. Perhaps because I think men's work is all about becoming a better man, Ben's behavior seemed sad to me, especially since he had succeeded in setting his heart free, but failed to implement the lesson. The point of Ben's story, however, isn't whether or not he decided to change. Men carry around their past pain in gigantic steamer trunks that are locked and sealed in their hearts. Ben's story is a recruiting poster for men's groups, but it's also a wake-up call to every man whose behavior reflects some past pain. I was an angry man until I was pushed to talk about the reasons for my anger. Most of the other men discovered the roots of their dysfunctional behavior, and were able to let go of the pain that they'd locked up. Men can do better, much better, and sharing their stories is the first and best step towards becoming better men. It doesn't take any courage for a man to inflict his pain on those close to him. In the final analysis, "life" proves time and time again that a man SHOULD remain faithful to his wife and a wife SHOULD remain faithful to her husband.
And, when a man and woman are happy in their marriage relationship, it's relatively easy to be faithful.
However, in order for a marriage relationship to be happy, EFFORT - that is, management effort, maintenance effort, support effort, and giving effort - is required by both the husband AND the wife.
Soon enough, it becomes easy for a man to look about and see attractive women all around. What I want you to realize is that we men can get so NARROW - so SELF-CENTERED - in our thoughts, viewpoints, and interests that we are often "blind" to the TEMPTATION we PUSH our wife into.
Consequently, we often don't even realize just how tenuous our marriage relationship really is.
Here's the thing...a wife wants and NEEDS her husband directing attention and desire towards her. Your wife drives to a nearby town to spend the night with a childhood friend. Soon, another man asks her to dance with him. Shortly thereafter, a couple of guys "move in" to your wife and her friend's space and start up a fun conversation of jokes and interesting stories - all while covertly - yet clearly - expressing a sexual interest in your wife and her friend. Stop!
How confident are you that your wife will remain faithful and loyal to you?
Have you given your wife the kind of time and attention she needs such that you know your relationship is safe?
Have you directed MANLY desire at your wife such that she ALREADY feels desirable, attractive, sexy, and pretty and isn't interested in some other man trying to give her something she already has?
Is your marriage relationship such that your wife has "done without" for so long that she would be too weak to resist the temptation?
I don't think there's any need to go further with this "test" as you probably already realize there's some effort you need to go put into your marriage relationship.
If you're already meeting your wife's needs, it'll be hard for some other man to sell her on him meeting her needs.
Special Note: If this raises feelings of jealousy within you, you're already pushing your wife into the arms of some other man. The Almighty God who created the universe including all creatures therein demands absolute faithfulness from his children. Can you be trusted? The big question is: can God trust you to do what is right? Faithfulness is directly proportional to success and wealth creation
When an individual is found to be faithful in business and dealings with others, it will reflect on the overall success rate achieved. The higher the level of faithfulness an individual exhibits, the more the possibility to achieve a higher measure of success and wealth. When Joseph was sold to slavery according to the book of Genesis chapter 37, he remained faithful to God and refused to sleep with his maters wife. God saw his level of faithfulness and blessed him with tremendous wealth and success.
When you are faithful to God, favor and wealth will come naturally
The Almighty God knows the heart of every man and the degree of faithfulness each individual is capable of achieving. When we decide to ignore the temptation to take the easy option to creating wealth and achieving success and decide to remain faithful in the business, job or endeavor God has placed in our hands, success and wealth will eventually come. It may come from unlikely sources we never imagined or thought about. Faithfulness will open the door for men to favor us for good. In a single day, an individual's faithfulness can attract unquantifiable wealth and blessings from strangers sent by the Almighty God.
